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Hello Guys! I know it has been a long time. Mostly because I am focusing on Heavy on Fashion more and more everyday. I realized that Just Malanb will most likely become more of my online journal talking about my depression, my weight loss goals, food, and trying to accomplish my goals.
Today, I want to talk about having depression & PTSD and how it is affecting me in my professional and personal life. Depression is a weird fucked up exhausting disease. It makes you numb and tired. It is paralyzing from an emotional and physical standpoint. You don't want to do anything despite the fact that you know you should. That obligation to live your life to the fullest is lost in the fog of sadness.
In few months, my depression has been under control until yesterday. Yesterday was a very bad day. I was scheduled to attend a few events and I couldn't leave my apartment. I was mentally drained. I was anxious, paranoid, and angry all at the same time with out any reason to be. I am finding it harder these days to rebound from my bad days and launch myself into a good day. I will say that I been more stressed out over life for no reason. Blame that on the Anxiety.
I also have to blame myself. For some reason I allow other people's problems engulf my inner peace and disrupt my world. I realized that with my current mental condition, I can not allow these problems and the people attached to them into my life. I found that mentality it is harder for me not to internalize everything. Internalizing everything leads to bad thoughts (depression), paranoia and constantly having my emotions on high alert, and anxious at the same time. It is a clutter fuckery of emotions.
I also need to do some serious self care again. I have to admit, I been over extending myself to causes and people that where not really worth my time. Only after a month of making a few changes that I finally realize this. Taking time for myself to do something wonderful, positive, productive and enjoyable for myself is now the only thing I can help me to have my good days outweigh my bad days. Dealing with depression is full of good days and bad days. Sometime the light is on and bright. Other days the light is off, it is dark and cold.
So while I am bumping the Kanye West Station on Pandora while writing this, I realized that sometimes I will have Bad days. Bad days will never be great but how else will I know when I am having a good day.
Without those bad days, how else can I improve and be a better Good Day me.
Until Next Time,
Just Be True and You
Just Malanb
I also have to blame myself. For some reason I allow other people's problems engulf my inner peace and disrupt my world. I realized that with my current mental condition, I can not allow these problems and the people attached to them into my life. I found that mentality it is harder for me not to internalize everything. Internalizing everything leads to bad thoughts (depression), paranoia and constantly having my emotions on high alert, and anxious at the same time. It is a clutter fuckery of emotions.
I also need to do some serious self care again. I have to admit, I been over extending myself to causes and people that where not really worth my time. Only after a month of making a few changes that I finally realize this. Taking time for myself to do something wonderful, positive, productive and enjoyable for myself is now the only thing I can help me to have my good days outweigh my bad days. Dealing with depression is full of good days and bad days. Sometime the light is on and bright. Other days the light is off, it is dark and cold.
So while I am bumping the Kanye West Station on Pandora while writing this, I realized that sometimes I will have Bad days. Bad days will never be great but how else will I know when I am having a good day.
Without those bad days, how else can I improve and be a better Good Day me.
Until Next Time,
Just Be True and You
Just Malanb
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